Kind Words Back
Most of us are far kinder to our friends than to ourselves. Write what you’d say to a friend in your shoes. Then read it again, slowly, as if it were meant for you. Because it is.
- What’s on your mind
- Words for a friend
- Words for you
Now read these words again, slowly. This time, they’re for you.
If you like, rest a hand on your chest while you read. It’s a small, surprisingly steadying thing.
These are your own words. They were true for your friend. They’re true for you, too.
Your kind words
Kept only in this browser, on this device. Come back to them on a hard day.
How it helps
When things go wrong, the voice in our head can be harsh in a way we’d never be with someone we love. This exercise borrows the kindness you already have, and points it back at you.
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Name it
Say what’s hard, simply. Noticing that you’re struggling is the first kind act.
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Speak to a friend
Imagining someone else in your shoes makes it easier to find warm, fair words.
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Hear it yourself
Read your words back slowly. You don’t have to believe all of them yet. Letting them in a little is enough.
This is a self-compassion exercise, adapted from the work of psychologist Kristin Neff. Her research, and that of others, links self-compassion with lower anxiety and more resilience, without the downsides of chasing self-esteem.
Self-compassion isn’t letting yourself off the hook. It’s treating yourself as you would a good friend who made a mistake: honestly, and kindly.